No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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