I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
