Can i not drive my cunt home
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
