i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
