his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
