Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize