I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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