Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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