Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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