dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
