So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
