just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
