a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do vagina's smell?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
