I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
