look no pants
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
