He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
