just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
