go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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