I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
