just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize