I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish i was in the wii world.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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