apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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