I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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