i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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