This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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