Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
