My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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