I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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