You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
