three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
