i think i have herpe
just one?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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