Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
