I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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