It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
