Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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