Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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