capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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