Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
