I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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