I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
