ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
