this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
