somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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