So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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