you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
