I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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