Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
