I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
