and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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