kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
