I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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