So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
