I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
