i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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