And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
