Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
