I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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