doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
