my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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