worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wear drunk well.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
