Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
